elaine

Ok so I have been told that it is lame to blog about my fantasy. (Guys/celebrities) Seriously I think they are just jealous because I have my fantasy and I can even blog and brag about it but they can’t.

Whatever happened to "A girl can always dream?"

After much consideration, I decided to post something useful today. Erm maybe? Define useful. Ha. First of all, I have a confession to make. *solemns, clear throat* Ok so I admit that I cheated on you here. Well not really cheated, is just that I set up another account at live journal but I not yet post anything over there which proves that you still hold an important place in my heart. Before you start blaming me, I have to tell you that it is not entirely my fault. You always refuse to let me post when I feel like to. You will either get all pms and deleted the long post that I just typed or just get all cranky by refusing to let me to even login. Thus cause me to give up on you (almost) and seek for another alternative to call my own sanctuary–Live Journal. I set up an account and blog over there but I still unable to start blogging over there. Reason why? I feel guilty and have the writer’s block the moment I start typing the first line. See. You are irreplaceable. (start singing to the left to the left) But sweetheart I have to tell you that you need to stop being so aloof and hot tempered at me. Although your features are not as tempting as Live Journal, I still decided to stick by you. I have no idea why. Maybe because love is really blind. I feel very comfortable with you so will you promise to show me more warmth and be more caring and understanding and patient towards me in the future? I don’t want to and don’t intend to even have the intention to ever cheat on you. Ever.

Thanks baby. =))
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Ok so college is starting on this Thurs. I actually dread going to classes. When I have my superb terribly horrendously loooooooong holidays I was dying to go back to college but NOW I don’t feel like going back at all. Not even a bit. Not even close. Sigh. I’m an ironic human being but I guess that’s human nature. I don’t want to sit in the class listening to the never ending lectures and discuss the always boring tutorials. But I miss my giler classmates though. I can’t believe how fast 2 months can pass with a blink of eyes but I’m not going to talk about it because others will. =)

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I miss my sunshine. Rain rain go away, come again another day. No wait. Don’t ever come back. You have been here way too loooooong.

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I think I have some sort of disease/syndrome/whatever you named it. I feel hungry constantly. Like every couple of hours even after a heavy meal. Sigh. It is definitely a big no no for my weight. WHY WHY??? TELL ME, STOMACH!!! WHY ARE YOU SO HUNGRY ALL THE TIME???? As if over-eating is not bad enough, I’m having trouble sleeping as well. I can’t sleep till after 5 or 6 in the morning. MORNING. I think I’m suffering from insomniac. Gawd. I think I will have problems attending morning classes punctually.

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"There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit and it’s filled with people who are filled with shit."

He’s hot. Sooooooo hot. Way tooooooo hawt. Totally smokin’ hot. I would totally do him if I was given a chance/opportunity/honor. Thank God he is intangible and only appears in the screen. Or else I would have crawl in the screen and *faint* I don’t think I would be able to strip him off naked because I will be out of breathe and fainting from over-excitement or maybe even have a heart attack if he is..let’s say, 100 metres from me? I can’t keep my mind off him after I watched Prison Break. Miller!!!! *blush*

Ok ok self-control. *slaps face*

Let me tell you why I love him so much. =D

Reason 1: He is unique. I like my man to be one of a kind. Do you know that he is a mixture of 9 races.  (African-American, Jamaican, English, German, Jewish,  Cherokee, Russian, French, Dutch, Lebanese and Syrian.)That explain his exotic, alarmingly good-looks. His eyes’ color is mixed. One is blue and the other is green but he wears blue lenses so that people will stop being curious about his eyes color. *awww so humble*

Reason 2: He is a British. Seriously. Do I have to say anything more about that incredible sexy accent?

Reason 3: He is HOT. Totally.

Reason 4: He has brains in real life & in tv show. In real life, he graduated from Princeton University in English Literature. (so artistic) In Prison Break, he is insanely smart and brainy in way that you can’t even comprehend. Seriously. You gotta watch it. =))

Reason 5: His brood looks. He is always frowning and arching his eyebrows in the Prison Break which makes him really hot. He looks so miserable and makes me want to bring in some sunshine in his life. (awwwww..) And guess what? That’s all natural!!!! The reason why he broods all the time is because he has poor eyesight. Well, he must be the most good-looking people with the brood looks. How many people is really hot naturally without feigning some hot sexy actions? 

Reason 6: He is still hot even without the brood looks. It is really nice even when he smiles. =))

Lastly..

Because he is just sizzling hot. =)))

No naked pics. I like my man with clothes on. =D

Aina asked me the other day if I could named a guy that is so incredibly hot and being a total gentleman that I would even give him my virginity. (something like that la. can’t remember word to word) I don’t have any answers till.. NOW. =)

BUT…

He might…

NOT be interested in females.

Rumours had it that he is a gay. (my mom said belakang masuk)

Ouch.

Heart shatters.

It will be such a great waste if he is one.

Again, no one is perfect right?

Sigh.

Till next!

Miller. =))

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

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Is 6am now.

Somehow I can’t fall asleep.

I’m having horrendous, upsetting flashbacks.

And I shall blame it all on Leona Lewis.

She is kinda hot btw. =)) (looks similar with Alicia Keys)

Oh gawd.

I think I’m emo-ing again.

Lol.

Maybe I love to self-torture.

Or maybe is because I believe that the only way to live life is to feel the pain?

Hmm.

Maybe I’m wired that way.

Weirdo.

Ahhhhh.

Wait.

I think I know why.

I guess is because I not yet watched House today. =)

That’s what makes me so miserable.

I find him…really charming. =D

The only human being that can make my day. =))

And I feel fat for stuffing soooo much food inside me.

I can feel my fats swimming around.

My bulging stomach,

elephant thighs,

and my big hips that can stop traffic.

Oh not to forget flabby chicken wings.

I should get some sleep now before I die.

From overeating and "overbleeding of love.

I’m like a boat sailing aimlessly in the big, wide, deep ocean waiting to be eaten by some mysterious creature.

You know what it feels like to care about someone intangible?

Or even..invisible?

Anyway I hated the Bacherlor show. I was so marred with anger when I watched it last night. The Bacherlor, Jesse get to snog with so many gurls at the same time and go out with them. That’s like so cheap. Like cheating almost. Is disgusting and disturbing. Is toying with people’s feelings. What? Don’t you think so? He can whisper sweet-nothings and hug and kiss the gurls he went out with but in the end he will only choose one that he "love". I don’t think love is the word for it. Is ironic. How could you claimed that you love someone while you are out there dating other women? Fine you will find the one among the 15 gurls but in the end you will only pick one out of 15. What about the girls that have fallen for you? The guy is just going to shatter and crush them like that. The guy gets to have all the pleasure emotionally and physically. (you know what I mean) I seriously feel that this show ought to be banned. It tends to belittle women and is seriously retard. How are you going to find "the one" with so many women competing over you? The whole thing is so bitchy and everyone is backstabbing each other. How would the bachelor knows who is speaking the truth and who is putting up a show? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE idiot show, stupid producers and retarded girls for joining the show and get their hearts broken and being taken advantage.

Sigh. That’s it for now. There is this pretty girl sitting at the next table while I’m typing. She is such a distraction. No, I’m not a lesbian. I just love to admire all the beautiful and fine stuff in this world. =))

-Come back, Come back to me.-

I have abandonment issue.

Anyway, I think I’m a nocturnal creature. My sleeping hours is 4 in the morning. Yesterday night, or should I say early this morning, at 8 is my bed time. And girls!!! I found out a great place to drool over guys!!!! =)) which is….*drumrolls* MCD at Bukit Bintang. Haha. Really. My crazy ass high school friend, Michelle and I went to the MCD at 3.30am earlier and OMG soooooooo many cuties/hotties!!! XD (sooooo many ang moh’s tau. haha)

So at first I saw this Brown Mchottie and I was in hysterical. (due to the music from a friend’s bday party) He has this perfect height, wide shoulder, nice smile, nice hair and oh-soooo-cute. Then…

Me: Eh that guy in brown is cute. *fantasizing*

Mitch: Oh yea.. WAIT that guy next to him is soo GAY.

Me: GAY? WHAT GAY? *looking around frantically*

Mitch: There la. The guy in blonde next to him.

Me: Oh shit. He really looks so gay le. (They are laughing and standing close next to each other)

Mitch: HAHAHA

Me: Maybe is just his gay friend le. Not necessary must be PARTNER ma.

Mitch: Yeah yeah. *sarcastically*

(They walked past us)

Mitch: There goes your GAY FRIEND.

Me: NOOOOO. *living in denial*

Next, I saw this Purple Mchottie & Black Mchottie.The Black Mchottie was snogging this Malaysian chick in front of us and I have the urge of throwing my coffee cup at them. (Get a room laaa. I feel a pinge of jealousy. haha) But his cuteness refrains me from doing so. =) So after eating and enjoyed the pleasure of sight, we decided to loiter around. When we stepped out, we saw the same Malaysian chick snogging the Purple Mchottie. (they behave as if they gonna strip down each other) Then…

Me: eh eh I thought her boyfriend is the Black Mchottie. (he is still inside buying MCD)

Mitch: no laaaa.

Me: Yes laaa is the same girl. OMG the boyfriend is RIGHT INSIDE only. (The Purple Mchottie is grabbing her ass with his toungue inside her mouth.)

Mitch: Don’t know laa. Stop staring la.

(Then the Black Mchottie steps out and smiles and both of them have their arms around that chick. I was actually hoping that the Black Mchottie will have a fight with the Purple Mchottie and calling that chick a whore. But it didn’t happen. sigh.)

Me: (still staring) I know!!! THEY ARE GONNA HAVE THREESOMES.

Mitch: WHAT THREESOMES? *laughs*

Me: *snorts* WHY DOES CUTE GUYS BEHAVE LIKE THAT? (I lost my complete interest in both McPurple & McBlack.)

Mitch: Not all like that laa.

Me: *mumbles* she is such a slut.

Mitch: No la.

Sigh. Cute guys=Skanks/Gays.

Boys in books/movies are always better.

I shall blog again when I’m filled with nonsense and have no place to vent. =))

I realized that you will do silly things when you are in the state of severe boredness. For example: Singing "How to Save a Life" for the past hour at 2 in the morning and stuffing food in your mouth and typing nonsense and haven’t showered yet. I don’t know why I haven’t shower. I want to shower. I even get my towel and clothes and the heater ready. But I don’t wanna move. I fear something might happen if I shower.  Is like something terrible will happen if I move my big fat ass from the chair to the bathroom. Like I will crash and burn if I do so.Senseless I know. So I decided to steal my neighbour’s line to come online and sit down and eat and type nonsense.

So someone that I knew had just lost his wife to heart attack. She died. He loved her. Loves. The love he had for her is so deep and strong and passionate. They have been together for their whole live and now she died before him. They are probably the most loving couple I had ever seen in my life. But still, she died. How could someone that you loved just died like that. Is like something common and normal. Like a trivial matter that will happen everyday. People died yet the world is still moving.

This is my favourite scene/quote from Grey’s Anatomy:               This girl, she died because a pole flew through her body in an accident. She and this guy had the pole in their bodies. So basically each of them is at the end of the pole and only one with the higher rate of survival could survived. The girl was the unlucky one so she didn’t get to survive. She was not the chosen one. So before she died, she told Mcdreamy to tell her fiancee that:

"She asked me to tell you…She wanted you to know, that if love were enough…that if love were enough, that she’d still be here with you."

And I cried.

All right. Time for shower. My keyboard smells like biscuits crumbs and I smell like people who never showered for a day.

Yes I went to their concert on Wednesday instead of attending the student coucil meeting. Bad bad me. I’m aware of that but HELLO is NICK CARTER and BSB. (is their last concert as a team. sobs. too old.) Nick Carter motivates me to crawl out from my sick bed as I wasn’t feeling well that day. Although the concert venue is small & simple (at sunway lagoon surf beach) and is not fancy as other big super artists, the concert turns out GREAT!! They started off with their biggest hits-"Larger than life". No fancy costumes, just plain suit & casual clothes but that doesn’t make it a low-budget, cheapstake concert. Instead it is more..user friendly. (i’m not sure if this is the right vocabulary but you get my drift.)

As I said earlier, Nick Carter was my motivation and my ultimate aim. But sadly when he came out the stage, I was greatly dissapointed. He wasn’t THAT good looking in real life and what’s worst is that suddenly Paris Hilton is in my mind. (they used to be together and rumours had it that he abused Paris. HELLO. nobody EVER bullied her, is always the other way round. the spoilt bitch. so you can imagine how bad Nick was/is.) Due to the dissapointment, I decided to take a look at the other members and AJ was still cool as ever although it seems like he tried to imitate Kid Rock. Howie was as adorable as ever and as gay as ever.(I always thought that he looks kinda gay) and lastly Brian. The lead singer that I never took notice before. (i can’t believe I actually didn’t see the cuteness in him all the while) I believed he was standing there waiting for me to notice and discover him. (i did baby!) OMG BRIAN!!! He was totally adorable and cute with the tiny mata sepet and his smile. =))) We should TOTALLY get married because I have mata sepet too and our babies will have totally cute mata sepet. :)) awwwww…and i spent the rest of the time drooling/fantasizing about Brian and our potential babies.

Ok back to the concert. Their old songs were really fabulous but they sang some new songs as well for the promotional usage. When they sang the new songs I can’t help but feel sad for them. They are trying too hard to be someone that they aren’t. Sounds like a bunch of pretty,middle age men trying to imitate J.T+Kid Rock. Halfway sthrough the new songs I was on the verge of screaming, " Where is my BSB? Bring them back and kick the failed imitators off the stage!!!" Thank god somehow they realized that their old songs are the reason why people went to their concert. It is absolutely wonderful when they sang the old songs, remind me of the good o’days and I felt old suddenly. (reminiscing seems to be an activity for the elders.) Although their old songs are basically cheesey-silly-stuck-in-your-head-love-songs but is really superb. The vocals, emotions and dance steps are still there. Exactly like ten years ago.Professional and really wow. And I believe they weren’t lip synching that night. I think I melt when they sang, "the shape of my heart". (stop whatever that’s on the tip of your tongue.) =p

In simple words: the concert totally worth my 88 bucks. =)))

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"Intimacy is a 4 syllable word for: "Here are my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy". Intimicy is both desired and feared." -Meredith Gray-