elaine

I realized that it is easier to confide to random strangers than people whom you know. Moments ago, I was browsing through my MSN contacts and I stumbled across someone whom I didn’t speak to in ages. Someone that I barely know. Suddenly my emotions just hit me and my finger just double click on her name. Apparently my heart send a message to my nerves system and my nerves system send a message to my brain and my brain send a message to my fingers saying, " you need to talk to someone before you drown in your own sea of miserable-ness." So I started chatting and confiding and complaining and whinning about why things happened and how stupid and sad and pathetic I am. Surprisingly, this girl share the same fate with me. Well not exactly the same but we share the same level of sadness and miserable-ness. I think is always nice to know someone out there is same as you, so that you know you are not alone. Besides random strangers might give even better advices cause they are neutral. You don’t have to worry about impressing that person or that person being judgemental.

It was always hard for me to share my inner thought/moments with people. I just simply do not have that faith in mankind. Seriously, I rather tell it to the ants that crawl on my floor rather than human beings. If that emotions starting to overtake me, I will only share it with people whom I can trust and that’s just parts of it or just a very general overview. My mom called me a quiet loner.

It might turn out to be a surprise to people whom know me that I’m quiet or a loner. I’m a total opposite of quiet loner in public. Deep down, I’m so closed up that people might realize that, "hey we do hang out but I never really know anything personal about her." Yes I think I have split personalities. Ha. I never understand the concept of best friend and I can never understand how people can be so open with each other and just pour out their heart and soul. Faith is believing in something that you can’t guarantee. I don’t have it which makes me such a loner wolf. Haha. Yes I admit that I feel rather lonely sometimes. That’s why I need to constantly be around with people even though we are doing meaningless activities. Maybe I need a man. (Miller!!!) =)

Oh well, life is a bitch, get over it!

Anyway, my current new love is David Cook. =) "Oh darling you will always be my baby." xD

I miss my perfume guy. Oh yesss I dreamt about him the other night. I was lying on his shoulders and sniffling his long, slender, quite fair neck. He was wearing a polo tee but I can’t see his face cause I was too busy smelling him. Haha. He smells really goooooooood but I don’t know what fragrance is that. It smells perfume-ish though. Just the thought of it seems so sweet. :)) Hahaha. Gawd. I shall continue hoping to dream about him once again.

It started out as a feeling

Which then grew into a hope

Which then turned into a quiet thought

Which then turned into a quiet word

Just because everything’s changing

Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before

Now we’re back to the beginning

It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can’t feel it too

Doesn’t mean that you have to forget
                                                         

                                                        -The Call by Regina Spektor-

Trust is a fragile thing.

Once earned, it affords us tremondous freedom, but once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover.

Of course, the truth is, we never know who we can trust.

Those we’re closest to can betray us and total strangers can come to our rescue.

In the end, most people decide to trust themselves. it really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.

———————————————————————————-

Forgive and forget.

That’s what they say.

It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical.

When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back.

When someone wrongs us, we want to be right.

Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal.

And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.

———————————————————————————-

Sigh I should be more motivated and determined and focused and whatever good adjectives that used in studying. But all I can think about is Tony Sparks from the Iron Man. =)